December 2010
13 posts
well.
that high ended pretty quickly. i just got officially dumped. he found a way to do it on the least convenient day, too. hours before my party. on the bright side, i can start the new year fresh.
… :/
4:25 a.m.
good night. things with glenn will be fine. now to get some sleep.
just keep going.
i know it’s not healthy. but i think maybe, for a little while, i just need to not think about it. when i get a sad thought, turn on a happy song. when it’s quiet, and i’m thinking, turn on the tv. if i wake up at night, turn on the tv to fall asleep to so i don’t have to think. and above all spend time with people. i can get through this. just don’t think. if...
there really isn’t anything to say. we texted a little more and i guess we’re going to wait to make any decision until we see each other. bullshit. this is such fucking bullshit. merry fucking christmas, rosa.
god.
i’m such a fucking idiot. i had been trying to convince myself that everything was normal. i was moving things along physically. i fucking invited myself to his fucking house, with his parents. i cried while we were talking about him going abroad. he said he’d want to stay together. i gave him a fucking christmas present that actually meant something, and spent money i didn’t...
so... :/
it looks like greg and i are right smack in the middle of breaking up. we were texting and i asked him if i was platonic to him, and he said he didn’t know. then he went to a christmas party and now he can’t text until after. fuck. fuck. fuck. i can’t think of anything else to say. this fucking sucks. on christmas eve. fuck. this really hurts. and in a few hours i have to go to...
home.
so i’m home now. got in two days ago. i must admit, it feels really good. i love the hell out of my friends and family. and shit. my dad looks amazing. like, he’s really taking care of himself now. it’s nice. the first night i was back i went over to glenn’s house to talk. didnt solve much. feel kinda shitty. i dont know how much i care, really. i sometimes think i’m...
stuck in the past.
i’m clinging to things i know are gone and will probably never come back. and it’s killing me. i just want that feeling back for longer than a few hours. that feeling of pure happiness, of loving and being loved in return. i dont know the last time i heard “i love you” from anyone besides my parents. platonic or otherwise. i guess that comes with starting over, but i never...
to both of you.
you keep pushing me away. okay, you can stop pushing, i get it. i’ll stay where you want me until you’re ready to pull me back. if you ever are.
so here i am. lonely. lost. i never feel like i’m really doing anything wrong but i must be. do i think more than other people? i dont know. but it seems like it. the more solitude i get, the more unhappy i am. but at the same time, i do isolate myself. maybe i thrive on unhappiness? i hope not, otherwise that’d make for a pretty miserable existence. i feel very trapped. i’m...
loss.
well… so much for not writing about glenn in here anymore. this just really sucks. sometimes i think i’m over it, but then it just comes right back, and hurts just as much. i can pretend to be over it, or pretend to be mad, but deep down, it’s just the same as it always is. it just hurts. i hate losing someone. especially a friend like that, who i considered myself closer to than...
haha gosh
so i used to be on birth control, which regulates your hormones. now that i’m off, i get PMS like crazy. like, shit. what the fuck. hah god. so yeah the past week has not been great, mostly because of that.
but okay. this is the last i’m going to write/say about glenn until he starts being better. he’s an asshole, and he knows it. he told cameron that. he just doesn’t give...