a few days ago i was watching Community and one of the characters was talking about how there are a bunch of different realities going on at the same time. It wasn’t that deep, he was talking about a dice roll, but still. I got to thinking. It would be so strange if my parents had let me transfer to west campus. i might have lost ambition to go to a really good and far away school. i might be at sac state. i almost definitely would not have met anyone from jesuit, so there’s no way i’d be dating glenn. or even have any of the people at home i consider my best friends. when i wanted to transfer it was before i was even dating jonathan. i might not have dated him, had i gone to the school, and wouldn’t have all this psychological shit that will probably never go away. or i would have dated him for a really long time and everything would be even more fucked up. or i might have found someone i dont even know exists. its strange to think about.
my tummy is in an awful state today. last night i threw up A LOT. bleh, i feel sooo shitty, like i’m going to puke whenever i move at all. yuck.
on another note, the view from the window by my bed is hauntingly beautiful when it’s rainy and cloudy. the buildings close by don’t go super high, so the sky looks HUGE. that was one of my favorite things about driving: seeing a huge sky. driving back from texas with my dad when i was in 5th grade, after my grandpa had died, i noticed it. hot, sprawling, amazing. that was at a really bad time in my life because of my dad’s drinking, but somehow seeing that made me feel not alone, while also more alone than ever, but in an okay way. second, the south dakota trip last spring. driving for hours across those plains. i swear, it’s a beautiful sight, one i couldnt have imagined, really. a flat line for a landscape. just a flat line, as far as you can see. and then the sky. larger than anything you’ve ever seen. again, both comforting and alarming. finally, the drive to and from davis. california is so damn beautiful. the color of the sky, which i always notice when i drive to glenn’s house, is so gorgeous. and those little sunflowers, too. mm :)
