rock me on the water

I’m trying really hard not to freak out about this whole transfer thing, but it’s not going so well. My future is, if my appeal doesn’t go through, essentially dead. The rest of my life is going to be a lot worse than I thought. I’ll have to go to a city college (probably sac city), and live at home. I’ll watch all my friends have fun at their respective universities and take advantage of all the amazing programs they have to offer. I’ll be left in the dust, with nobody to talk to. My parents won’t be disappointed in me (it’s not my fault, how can they be), but they sure as hell won’t be proud of me. When their friends ask about me, they’ll have to tell them I transfered back home to the local city college. And that fucking sucks. And i want to be mad at someone. But there’s nobody who I can take this out on, which I guess is a good thing, but it makes it a lot harder to deal with. It’s not something I can change, or that anyone can change. It’s just the way life is. I just hate the fact that I went to a college prep school, and then a top university, but I’m going to graduate from Sac City. It basically invalidates all the work I’ve done for the past 6 years and it’s not fucking fair. And I know life isn’t fair, and a hell of a lot of people have it a lot worse than me. But I honestly don’t care right now, which is selfish, but again, I really don’t care.